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Distressed Property Starts From Within…

One of my clients wanted to see a resale condo listing on Greenwood in Virginia Highland last week.

Brand new on the market and priced for less than $125K – it’s a 2/1 in a gated community called Highland Place, with just $190 per month HOA fees. It’s been a stable community ever since it went condo back in 2000, as far as I know. I remember when my friend Rick Hale sold these for the builder at the time of conversion, and a 2/1 like this was probably $150-170K just 9 years ago.

So, here’s a few life lessons that can be taught from this video:

1. If you are a listing agent, or a seller, you are responsible for buyer perception – buyer perception starts with daily freshness and good hygiene

2. kitchens and baths sell houses

3. this kitchen is a testament to a slow death diet

4. a slow death diet is a reflection of your entire lifestyle

5. if you own a Colonel Sanders bobblehead doll, and lose your property to foreclosure, then leave it – he is a Saint Joseph like figure in many cultures

6. a closet full of knitted sportswear is a clue that you are not sexy and Wrinklefree Downy fabric softener is not needed with most double knits

7. random porn strewn about your place is a window to your loser soul

8. cans of Brisk Sweet tea and Cherry Coke, boxes full of Snickers, Klondikes, Red Baron French Bread Pizzas, Honey Nut Cheerios, disposable styrofoam and plastic dinnerware, along with a freezer full of M&M’s is evidence that you do not care about nutrition, but you do love the sweet, the tangy and the brisk!

9. No one will hire you once you get your CPA license if you smell like Red Baron French Bread Pizza, masked by liberal dosages of Garnier Fructis

10. You can collect bottles of Garnier Fructis in your shower, and douse yourself regularly in the perfumes and emollients, yet if you do not throw ANYTHING away in your domicile, you probably stink

All 10 of these points are valid reasons why “Distressed Property Starts From Within…”

Missing payments on an obligated mortgage is a clue, but in a case like the one in this video, hygiene and diet are the reasons why we have a foreclosure here.

One of my clients who saw this video thinks that the person who lived here must be dead by now … all that I can say is that buyer perception is crushed at the outset, and at $124,900 this condo will be hard to sell as long as the property condition remains as it is!

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